To suffer without meaning.. without the “light in the tunnel” Go team! Whoo! Whoo!

With no access to a recording studio or to an audience of music listeners, I feel claustrophobic. I can’t let go of the encounters- the discerning, the frugal joy, the caresses, the sharing, the distress, the abandonment, and finally, the line of a flat heart that no longer beats- they have no place to go but to twist around inside of me, making future trips increasingly unsteady. Holding all that together is worse than holding a gun about to go off… It’s more than anybody should withstand and yet it’s what most people probably hold in all the time. Maybe it’s why after a certain amount of “hurt feelings,” whatever they do, hurt, or cause is justified by what screwed them over. Payback to the world and any person who enters your radar. But they don’t let anything go that way. Not even a small drift of grief is lifted..  Maybe there is an argument that they feel a certain rapport, even calmness, after bashing a girlfriends face into the window.  Finally, the bashed can share in the understanding! The isolation and pain! And, most of all, that dirty word- betrayal. Oh, such toughness! Such composure!!  In fact, they are doing the world a favor! They are ridding the world of victims. They are turning everybody into robots that don’t react to hurt. No more complaining! Good riddance! And no more modern art, with it’s depth of darkness alluring people to wear their feelings on their clothes instead of just ignoring it like they are supposed to! Do whatever you have to, but don’t be so sensitive, it’s an insult to the humanity they lost.

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